It is Onam today. Somehow this Onam is making me nostalgic and emotional, may be because this is the first Onam after my grandmother's demise, so actually we are not celebrating today. I feel a huge hollow inside me, my heart, I feel empty, I feel bad for the long 5 years when I did not call up my grandmother on Onam, I did not go visitng her, did not even call her up to hear her voice on that day. I lost precious five years and the sixth year when things had normalised I was way too busy with kids, exams and the daily life to take out some time to go visit her.
Today I am overwhelmed by the memories of my childhood, the memories of Onam, memories of sweet fragrances emerging from the kitchen in the quaint little house in a beautiful small town of Kerala. The special glassware that my grandmother would take out on special occassions like Onam to serve Payasam, first it will be served and plated for the Gods and then us. There are some memories in life which hug you hard and does not ever let you go. Onam and the love and simplicity of my grandmother are some of them.
As years are passing by and I am getting busier and kids are growing up, a sense of loosing grip on time and everything dear is slightly creeping up. The fear of losing looms large sometimes. Something knots up and tightens inside me everytime I want to laugh out loud or enjoy my life, may be it has something to do with age or may be with the medicines that I am taking which again is related to age, well.. whatever ... wishing you all my dear and near ones a very Happy Onam.
Please today on this happy occassion or whenever there is one at your place please pick up that phone and talk to your parents or grand parents or that favourite cousin of yours or that long lost friend and feel good... life just goes by and sometimes it will throw curve balls at us without giving us any time to think or plan .. so please bury the hard feelings.. let the ego die down... this life is short and relationships are precious..just hug your grandmother tight and relish her love for you... I wish I could do that but mine is not around .... don't let this sense of loss engulf you... don't let that happen to you.