This is a post which I had been writing in my mind on this day, June 30th of every year since the last 15 years or so. Today is the birthday of my best friend with whom I had lost touch long ago.. again it is a story in which I was the culprit, it was the result of my immaturity and how I handled the situation, this was also around the time of my mid twenties.
This is about how I lost my best friend since childhood to circumstances and wrong decisions and misunderstandings. Both of us studied in the same class from 5th standard till 10th then she went on to take the science stream and then Medicine and became the Doctor which she always wanted to be, during all those years we were together, even when she shifted from Delhi to Kerala to do her MBBS, we kept in touch through letters and occasional phone calls (mobiles and whatsapp were not in the scene those days), it was her letters which gave me great solace during some turbulent times in my life, similarly I was there for all the ups and downs in her life. Whenever she came to Delhi on vacations we made sure to spend as much time as possible together, we in fact camped up in each others house, talking, talking and talking our hearts out into the wee hours of morning in whispers lest we get a scolding from our parents.
When I went to Kerala during vacations I also made sure to invite her to our home in Kerala or go and fetch her from her hostel and spend some time together. It was a friendship which could have never ever gone wrong but for one incident which made everything go haywire, a tragic incident happened in her family wherein her close relative was involved, it was an unfathomable kind of situation for all of us, especially her parents who were heart broken, even she clammed up into a shell, not ready to communicate with any one. My biggest mistake was that during this time, I did not go and meet her or try to be with her, my thinking was that it will hurt her more if like everybody else around (friends and relatives who bothered them and cooked up stories around the incident) I also should not be bothering her and her family , I thought that may be my presence shall be taken as intrusion. By the time I thought it through and gathered the courage to meet her, the deed was already done. When I went to meet her she did not come out, and finally when she did, she did not talk to me properly, it was very clear that she had misunderstood my silence and our umbilical chord was cut forever. I was devastated, I tried time and again to speak to her, I wrote letters to her to which she never replied.
Then came my marriage, about which we have had talked and discussed and made plans since the last so many years, all the shopping in which I longed for her presence was done without her, all the apprehensions which I had to share with her remained shut within my heart, the only good thing was that she attended my wedding but she came in clothes which spoke volumes about her disinterest in the entire thing. She did not wait to have food, she and her Mother sat in a corner and seemed least involved in anything happening around them. That was the last I saw her, after that I never saw her, only heard that she got married to her long time beau, me and my family were not informed or invited, I cam to know that she had joined a well known hospital in Kerala after her MBBS and PG.I was very happy for all good things happening in her life.
I never had any ill feeling towards her, my only sorrow was that she misunderstood me so much that she cut me off completely , she never gave me a chance to explain my self. I always thought about her, always wished well for her and was always happy for all the achievements she had in her life.
A few years back I searched high and low for her contact and was finally able to trace her phone number and email id through the hospital in Kerala where she was working, I sent her a long email stating my side of the story, stating I am sorry, stating I am still waiting for her to talk to me, but she did not reply, I called her up she hung up the phone after one or two monosyllables thus making it very clear that she did not want to have any thing to do with me, even after that I kept on sending birthday wishes to her, she never reverted, then a few years down the line her number got changed, I could not find it again and then finally I reluctantly gave up the journey to get my best friend back.
Till date, she remains in my thoughts, my wishes goes out to her every year on her birthday, I just hope that in this life time I get to meet her once and hug her hard and say sorry for having hurt her so badly but totally unintentionally. I hope she would forgive me one day.
Till then.. waiting ....
Once again wishing you a very happy birthday and many many happy returns of the day. Miss you badly......